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Tuesday, March 21st 2006

7:50 PM (836 days, 0h, 5min ago)

I'm making a new journal.

Buh-bye.
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Sunday, March 12th 2006

5:42 PM (845 days, 2h, 14min ago)

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
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Sunday, February 26th 2006

8:38 PM (858 days, 23h, 17min ago)

La Di Da Da

  • Clothing: Erm... dressing-robe. Just got out of the shower.
  • Music: Right Here-- Staind
  • Books: The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Victor Hugo)
It's alright, my dear (practically non-existant) readers. I'm feeling much better. Or, as the Spanish say, muy bien. Things were just... really rough. When I was younger, I'd just cry whenever I was sad, or shout when I was mad. But now, for some reason, I feel too embarrassed to do so, and I just keep it in. I've had a better few days since that entry.

Friday was particularly good. After school, Ash and I got off at Niles' stop, and then we walked down to my house. Since I was wearing a skirt and four-inch-heeled boots, I went inside and put on some pants and tennis shoes. Then, we walked to Ash's house. We just messed around there, and played with her dog for a half hour until the elementary bus got there. After that, Ash, Niles, Ash's two siblings (Steven and Shelby), and I walked down to the park. While the kids were playing, we just talked and messed around and such. Stayed there until about quarter till five, when I walked home so that I could get my chores done before my parents arrived home.

Saturday wasn't so bad either. As they do every Saturday, my brother and father left to go and play darts and pool. My mother and I did a few loads of laundry and tidied the house. Then, we went off shopping so that we could find some curtains for my bedroom. (We moved here early Janurary of 2005, and I still didn't have any.) First, we went to K-Mart. We didn't find anything there, but I did pick up some eyeliner. Then, we headed off to Bath and Body Works. I didn't find any suitable curtains there, either. We hopped over to Kohls, just to look, and my mother got some clothes. At last, we headed to the Wal*Mart, where we found the perfect curtains. They are dark blue and panels. After that, we headed home.

Today, my father and I went to Church, as per usual. Stopped off at Wal*Mart afterwards to pick a few items up. Then, we came home, ate lunch, and my dad put up my curtains, and then I gave my bedroom a HUMONGOUS clean. Then... I didn't do much else.

So, there's my weekend in a nutshell.


How were your weekends?  
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Thursday, February 23rd 2006

8:50 PM (861 days, 23h, 6min ago)

Emotion

  • Clothing: gray sweatpants, plain black tee
  • Music: Daughter-- Pearl Jam
  • Books: A Great and Terrible Beauty
  • Drinking/Eating: Milk
I'm so depressed lately...

Basically, this is how I feel:

Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.

Faintly, she could hear the sound of the clock in her classroom, but she could not see her classmates, or her teacher. The same panic was gripping her, wrapping its long, skeletal fingers around her chest so that it seemed impossible to breath. Images flashed through her mind; of her friends laughing and talking together at their usual spot in the cafeteria; of her mother and father looking down on her with concerned expressions. Images of her classmates jeering as she tripped; of teachers glaring down at the doodles on her worksheets.

Bright spots seemed to flash behind her closed eyelids, like fireworks being set off by naughty children. She could no longer breathe as what seemed like wave after wave of gripping depression smashed down onto her head, freezing her organs right inside of her body. When she opened her eyes again, she was not in her classroom, but in her bathroom, standing in front of the mirror. The glass was shattered, and with an ethereal feeling of peace, she saw that her hands and wrists were sliced up from the broken glass, and that her body's precious elixir of life was draining from her.

A peaceful, blithe smile slipped onto her lips as she felt the pain, the worry, the fear, fade away from her to where she felt so peaceful, like things were finally getting better. Arms crossed over her chest like those on a Sarcophagus, she settled herself down on the floor, allowing the shadowy abyss of death to swallow her up, and free her.

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Wednesday, February 15th 2006

5:18 PM (870 days, 2h, 38min ago)

Braceface!

  • Clothing: Red Tripp NYC pants, black track jacket, Carebears shirt
  • Music: Tourniquet-- Evanescence
  • Books: Killing Mr. Griffin-- Carilyn B. Cooney
  • Drinking/Eating: Water
YES!!! I got my braces yesterday, at long last! They hurt like a motherfucker, but still... I've been dying to get them. I have TERRIBLE teeth. They're actually just the top ones, but still... I have maroon bands. ^_^

In other news... I FINALLY got a tuner for my guitar.

And, here are some quizzes I stole from Wolfie's Site

:: school life ::
what grade are you in? 9th
what is your favorite subject? Hiology
do you have a lot of friends? Nope
do you sit alone at lunch? no
does the cafeteria food suck? yes
are you in high school? yes
are you in the school play? no
do you ever cut class? no..
are you a loner? yes
are you popular? no
do you behave badly in class? no
what is your favorite teacher's name? Kat Jones.
what class do you like the least? Phys Ed
are you considered a jock? not even slightly.
do you have all different groups of friends? kind of.
do you like going to school? no
do you plan to go to college after high school? yes
how much homework do you get? I never do homework at home
are you in chorus/band/orchestra? no
do you take the bus or walk to school? bus
do you have to stay late for teacher's help a lot? no
do you pass all of your tests? yes
have you ever made it to honor roll? yes
do you ever wish you could change something about your school? yes
do you have a nice school? no
how many people are in your grade? 436
are you on any school sports teams? no
are you a teacher's pet? no
what subject do you do best in? English/German/Bio

Italicize the Things You Plan on Doing in 2006

Get a Girl/Boy friend
Wear Thongs
Go to at least one concert
Get Drunk
Have a party
Make new friends
Move to another state
Change your style
Lose more than 10 pounds
Grow out your hair
Get straight A's
Get a job
Go on vacation

Get a MySpace
Go to a lot of camps
Go to summer school
Learn how to surf
Dye your hair
Try a new sport
Stop a bad habit that you have
Read more
Sleep more

Use the internet less
Get a car
Get a cell phone
Start listening to a bigger variety of music
Obey your parents more
Kiss someone in the rain
Fly in an airplane
Get closer to God
Get a new screenname
Help people in need
Go to the Warped Tour
Go out of the country
Get a penpal
Go trick or treating on Halloween
Go to prom
Go to Homecoming
Start a club
Be in a parade
Go skinnydipping
Get a new pet
Take an AP class
Start a band
Sneak out
Get glasses
Learn how to skateboard


I RANKED NUMBER 4 IN MY CLASS!

CLASS OF 09 HAS 436 PUPILS!
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Tuesday, February 7th 2006

8:39 PM (877 days, 23h, 17min ago)

RAWR.

  • Clothing: Devil's Casino shirt, red buckle Tripp NYC pants
  • Music: I Am Ready For Love- India.Arie
  • Books: Violin-- Anne Rice
RAWR.

Ladies and Gentleman, Neuhauser is back. He was at LSN, but he's back to LSH. RAWR. That guy scares me to DEATH. He's perverted and he's... seriously messed up. And perverted.

Did I mention that he's perverted?

Yes. Sorry. You lot have no idea whom I am speaking of.

And, sorry to dissapoint you, but I'm not in the mood to type a long entry, so here's a short one.

  • Before School- Got a ride from dad. Slept in the Cafeteria lobby until people got there; drank six cappuchinos while waiting.
  • Fitness- I didn't feel like doing class, so I pleaded cramps and sat out all class period. They ran all class... Hah.
  • Newspaper- Walked around the school, since I didn't feel like going and interveiw anyone. My new article is crap.
  • College American History- A movie. That I slept through.
  • Lunch- Slept.
  • Advanced German II- Um.. Talked about the Dative Case. Das ist sehr schlect. Deutsch gefellt mir nicht. Slept.
  • Advanced Algebra I- Um... Something about the absolute value and parabolas. Mostly slept.
  • College English- Actually stayed awake... We read some of Poe's Masque of the Red Death. Who can resist Poe?
  • After School- Chased A.J., because he poked me in the side. Got tackled by Niles and Logan and Caribeth. Poked by 39439455494375943 people.
  • Bus ride- Sat with Ash and Niles... Niles kept poking me! Then he stole my shoe. Das ist nicht gut.
And... I'm done.
Time to go do some more sleeping.


                Ciao, m'darlings,
                    Dr. K
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Friday, February 3rd 2006

2:03 PM (882 days, 5h, 53min ago)

Trust me. I'm a doctor.

  • Clothing: Excited
  • Music: I Know I Know I Know-- Tegan & Sara
  • Books: Daughters of Eve
  • Drinking/Eating: Diet Coke
I don't play the part
Of the maiden fair
And it's only fair to let you know
my heart's in disrepair

I can't be the one to pick you up
When your idiotic plans fall through
I'm not ready to start anew
'Cause this thing will never be through

-Maiden Fair
Invisible Curiousity

    In case anybody is curious, 'Invisible Curiousity' is the current name of my band. It seems to change every twenty-four hours, but that's the current name. 'Maiden Fair' is a song that I'm attempting to write. I can't really get the words to flow right. Oh well... I'll keep on working on it. Hey, the Muses can't elude me forever, right? Well... hopefully they won't, at any rate. I haven't written much lately, except for a single short story. Short as in... very short. One page. Hmm. So, anyways.

    I ought to be cleaning my bedroom. It's a dump, and seriously needs some vacuuming. Oh well. I'll get started with that in just a moment. Who knows, I may even be a weirdo and dust my furniture! (-Insert overdramatic gasp in here-) Raisin's cage needs cleaning, too... And I feel like taking a bubble bath. Argh! So much to do, so little time! My closet's a mess, too...

    So, school today, just like yesterday, was a half-day. Ah, I love half-days at this school... So much better than the ones back in Iowa! We start school at 7:35, and then we're dismissed at 10:35! Only three hours of class! Almost too little to even bother, actually... Lmao. Yesterday was just an ordinary half-day, so we had classes one, two (OR two/three block, A day), four, and six. Today, however, was the Enrollment Fair! We went all over the campus (and let me tell ya, my school's huge!), learning about the classes offered. They're getting rid of the Pre-IB classes, unfortunately. D= Instead, they will have "Advanced Courses", not Pre-IB. Grr. Oh well, they are honestly the same classes, just about.

    I really can not wait until I am in eleventh grade, a Junior. There are so many classes offered! I want to take Psychology I and II, Sociology I and II, Anatomy, Astronomy, World Events, and also Health & Bio-Tech I. Because I would really like to go into work as either a Forensics Scientist, or perhaps even a Mortician (yes, I'm serious), the Health & Bio-Tech I class would be perfect! It's at Summit Technology Academy, just down the street from my school. I was so mad when I found out that only students in the eleventh and twelth grades are able to take classes at S.T.A., and Herndon Career Center. Well, I suppose I must be going and doing what I need to do.

    Oh, and by the way... I am so excited for this weekend! My friend, Wolfie, is coming down to Kansas City for her brother's hockey tournament. And, of course, Lee's Summit, where I live, is just a short, twenty minute drive away! We'll probably go to my guitar teacher, Rachel Gaither's, band's concert. Tullamore, the band, is Celtic music, and they're awesome. I heard them at the Kansas City Ren Fair this past October. You can find the link to Tullamore on the left side of my webjournal, underneath 'Music'.

    Anyways. This time, I'm going. I'm serious.

             Ciao, m'loves,
                Dr. K
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Thursday, February 2nd 2006

4:38 PM (883 days, 3h, 17min ago)

New Layout!

  • Clothing: Power to the Feminists!
  • Music: Unwell---Matchbox Twenty
  • Books: The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Friends, Lovers, Enemies, and People who I don't know...


    I was supposed to get my braces on today, at 11:30. And guess what? My idiot orthodontist wrote down that my appointment was for him to just check on my R.P.E., rather than get my braces on... So, of course, when we got there, he realized his mistake. Consequently, my appointment has been moved to Valentine's Day, at 10:30. It was quite funny, actually, when he was looking at the available times... He asked me if I was sure I wouldn't mind getting it on Valentine's, because my mouth would probably hurt during any plans I had planned for the evening... Heh. Funny. Me? Plans on Valentine's Day? Every year, with the exception of last year, the only V-Day chocolates/whatever I get would be a small heart-shaped box of chocolates from my parents. Last year, I was dating Zak... And he gave me one of those necklaces that cost 25 cents. I appreciated the thought anyways.

    Speaking of love... I feel so sorry for my friend, Ashley. She's the sweetest girl, a bit Anime-obsessed, but still so sweet. She's the one who has been going out with my friend, Dallas (yes, the same guy I had a crush on). They'd been going out for approximately three, four months... Yesterday, out of the blue, he just dumped her. In front of quite a few people, too. So I spent every free second I had comforting her; I even told her that if she didn't feel like facing her classes, to come and find me, that I'd happily skip out if she needed me. Today, heading back home from the Orthodontist, my mother and I stopped off at Hy-Vee, so I went ahead and picked up an Anime magazine, two King-sized Hershey's bars, some ramen, and a box of Green Tea. Once I got home, I dropped it off at her house... I told her that just because the male gender consists of 95% assholes, that she would always have me, as well as her other friends. Just seeing how thankful she was made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. =D Although, it was rather embarrassing just now... As I was typing this, her MOTHER just called me, saying thank-you and how much she appreciated it... I'm just happy to hear that Ashley's cheered up.

    Hm... This is a rather long entry. But I still feel like typing, so I'm not going to shut up.

    I found out today that, apparently, when I get angry, I get scary... (Note: not a person at my school, until yesterday, had ever seen me mad before.) But, seriously... I was so pissed off, I was yelling at Dallas about what he did... I ended up skipping lunch and taking refuge in the library, I was so mad! Oh, wait... One person has seen me angry before, and that's Ashley. I was mad at my parents... I came out of the house and went to the bus stop, and I was kicking and swearing, and such...

    Anyways. I suppose I'm done rambling...

       Ciao, m'loves,
          Dr. K
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